Grandma, This is Why I Am Not Reading a Book

Books are dead, or at least that’s what you keep telling your grandma every time she tells you to stop using your phone. It is true, we can do everything on our phones, and most of it would have taken grandma hours to achieve before the technological revolution. The next time grandma is giving you some hassle for using your mobile device, just let her know what tapping away at your smartphone can do – she might just start getting interested in technology, for the first time in her life.  

She can play games 

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Now that she is retired, grandma has loads of spare time that she probably spends in the garden or at the bridge club with the friends she has been moaning about for fifty years. If grandma knew she could play games on her smartphone, she probably wouldn’t bother going down to the club ever again. Download Fortnite if your grandma is a bit of a rebel, or for the more placid grandma, there are plenty of games of Tetris. If your grandma likes games such as bingo down at her local club, she might be into a little online slot machine fun, and there’s plenty to enjoy online. What’s more, even mobile players can get in on the free spin action, and you’ll never have to hear her complain about “the girls from bridge” ever again. 

She can book her appointments 

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There are a number of apps which make it easier to spend all of your time in your house, which you probably do. Young people are okay with never tasting fresh air ever again, but grandma doesn’t understand this. She was probably still climbing trees and getting scuffs on her knees at 23. You don’t even leave the house to go for dinner with your friends, you get it all delivered while you binge Arrested Development on Netflix for the 555th time. Prove to grandma that she doesn’t need to leave the house either by downloading some fancy apps which do your ironing for you and return it the next day. Show her how to book her manicures from her home so she can put her feet up and watch quiz shows while she gets her nails done. 

She can track her exercise 

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Most grannies are more active than the average fifteen-year-old. Fifteen-year-olds use their phone to snapchat pictures of their lunch, but what they’re missing out on is the health machine that their smartphone has become. Granny will take you more seriously if you tell her that she can track her Over 60’s Pilates Class on her fitness app, or she can count her steps using a health app. Suddenly the idle mobile phone becomes a scientific discovery, and she will be able to log everything she does. Suddenly she will be pulling out that old Jane Fonda video and doing her aerobics in the living room… No, that’s not an image we needed either. 

Once you’ve shown granny what her phone can really do, she will be off your case forever because she will be buried in the depths of her smartphone. Just be careful, because you might be the one neglected by your granny when you visit for a cup of tea! Bridge anyone?