When Art Basel hits Miami, things get weird.

A city-wide art festival, with hundreds of parties, thousands of tourists, and millions of dollars worth of art has a unique way of taking over a town. It’s one of the only festivals where you can experience more FOMO by attending than not, with the number of parties requiring an invite or RSVP each night requiring obscene email ninjutsu, and the amount of art on display overwhelming to even the seasoned buff.

Day One.

We should probably have arrived for the Untitled VIP Preview a bit earlier, because this is as far as we got. But we had arepas to cook, beers to drink, and it was at least a five-minute Uber from our apartment, which takes ten minutes at best.

We decided to head to the mainland. We saw this guy, all gassed up, and doing all right, despite his lack of safe lighting.

Larry Gagosian and Jeffrey Deitch had one of the biggest openings of the week. Four floors of realism. Very real. Very weird.



Real weird.

Next door Tito was up to no good. ICA Miami had their opening night party, with some amazing guests.




poorgrrrl opened the night, with an unexpectedly tough and distorted set…




…and the best t-shirt we’ve ever seen.

Who could be next!?

OMG IT’S SHAMIR!! With one of the best albums of the year, and one of the best performances at Bestival, this was kind of a big deal.


Everyone thought so…










Everything ends, and at the end of the earth is a dive bar called Club Deuce.


Where it’s almost cleaner not to wash…


Anonymous pool games, cheap shots, and too much neon can only last so long.


At least there’s something cute on the way home.